if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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