Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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