He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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