That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
