my phone needs a breathalizer
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
