i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
