I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
