I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
