Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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