my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
