i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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