I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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