We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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