end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
