mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
