OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He shit in the fireplace
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
