I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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