I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
