I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize