my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
