is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
