don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
