literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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