Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
