Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
