I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
