I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
