Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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