i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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