My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
