Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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