i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
