Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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