I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The air was thick with penises
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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