Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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