Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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