This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
