i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
