Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
