sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My cat gives me a boner
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
