Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize