I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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