Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
