you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
