I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
