she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize