sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Someone signed my nipple.
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