I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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