I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
