I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
