First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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