Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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