At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize