She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
