3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
