After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
