Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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