That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
