Got a toothbrush?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
