My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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