Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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