Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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