The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
