just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
