i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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