I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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