remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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