Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
