I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
