Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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