Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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