1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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