Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
