I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize