you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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