My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
