you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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