so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
